the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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