if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
