Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
