I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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