just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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