bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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