Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better

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(702): View more from Nevada

He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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(714): View more from California

they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.

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(714): View more from California

after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

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(347): View more from New York

The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody

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(309): View more from Illinois

And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.

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(713): View more from Texas

Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?

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