you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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