oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
pray to the hookup gods
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
