I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
