he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
