This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
