i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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