if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I could fuck to npr.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
