I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
