I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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