That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
