Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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