What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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