its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
