my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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