It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize