Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
