He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
