You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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