I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
