I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
