you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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