so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
