so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
