Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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