hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
