guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
