You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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