Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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