i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
