I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
