she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
