haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
