I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
