I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
