do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
