I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
