So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
