Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
