After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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