I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
