My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
