Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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