i just had sex bonerless
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
