It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
