sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
